Examples of where it's done right

> You think so? Part of what has impressed me is that people will show up with... pretty flame-baity sounding questions on the user mailing lists ("I've been trying to migrate from mysql to pg, why is it so slow?" type of things) and they generally get very high-road responses ("tell me a bit more about your use case and the tuning you've done so far"), often from well-known individuals like Greg Smith.

I don't think you can really compare lists geared towards new or irregular users (where people don't know each other, don't have their pet feuds, etc), with a development list like lkml. Don't get me wrong - I think postgres has some great resources in such lists and e.g. the IRC channel. I just don't see it being comparable.