The journald design is horrible to the point of useless

Right, the UUIDs are just attached to general useful messages which are meant to be recognized by machines. In these cases the UUID + the key/values replace the unreliable regex log parsing.

The human readable part of the message is still passed to syslog the same way as is always was.

The text says: "Most projects will probably never generate more than 30 of these during their entire development time", which should illustrate that this is in no way *every* message.

But hey, why reading the text when you can match on a few keywords, mix some random things from your head into it, and start talking?