I agree with everything else that you stated; however:
> CPython (exteremely slow interpreter)
Compared to JITs it is slow, yes. Compared to other *interpreters*, CPython is the fastest one that exists; in most cases it outperforms other interpreters such as Perl, PHP and needless to say Ruby.
Considering that the Python language is way more dynamic than PHP (dynamic typing; class definitions, functions, operator overloads etc can change at any point at runtime, including magic methods like __getattr__), I think it is a real achievement.