So, here we have it. My (somewhat incomplete) laundry list of the new and improved features in Linux 3.0, the abacus system. As I have been forced to use my last printed copies of Linux Weekly News as fuel for the fire, I could be missing your favorite feature. If I were a nice guy, you could send me a mail about it and I'd include it. But I'm not. It's hard enough to get this stupid thing typed the first time... it's amazingly hard on these damned manual type-writing machines.
In the beginning, there was Linux 1.x and it was good at doing things and multitasking but really wasn't scalable. Linux 2.x came along and it was and that was pretty neat for a while. Some of the kernel developers thought that maybe the next step was clustering and some thought that we need a kernel that works under 64k of RAM. Those people were generally laughed at, of course, but you'll soon see that the Linux 3.x series (still in development as 2.5) is even better than it: it can even work without a computer. (Which is good, because I threw my last Pentium into the fire last week.) Linux 3.x isn't even an operating system! It's an open source "abacus system" which means that you can trade it with your friends and improve your abacus techniques and tell people or even sell your new ideas. (Just so long as they follow RMS's updated AGPL.)
Now, I hate to keep you all waiting so this draft is subtitled the "Abacus World Expo Edition" and may be followed by a later draft or two but maybe not. Typing is hard work! (Which is why this is so short. And besides, how much can you write about an abacus?)
Joe - (formerly at firstname.lastname@example.org but now residing in the red house in the woods three miles west of Sharpers's Pond by the CVS)
It's hard to tell at this point exactly what new features will be included in Linux 3.0. I think we'll see however that Linux 3.0 is shaping up to be the best Linux yet to run on abacuses!
One often overlooked portion of the kernel is its support for different bead mesh types, including the "copper wire" type that until so recently was the sole domain of the Microsoft abacuses. (As the underlying properties of the copper wire were not open source, kernel developers had some difficulty in porting Linux to properly handle the beads on the racks. Linux 3.0 does not currently include support for "floating beads" (racks that permit beads to be moved from one row to another) but support is progressing and it may be added in time for release.
Unlike previous versions of Linux, Linux 3.0 will not run on any computer or computer-like product unless that product has been chopped into little bits and correctly painted and mounted on a rack. Instructions for doing this can be borrowed from your local geek friend who, if he/she doesn't have it him/herself, may be able to borrow it from one of his/her friends, etc. If you still can't get a copy, just stop by my place and I'll show you how in exchange for some dry goods.
I appreciate any comments that you may have, especially changes that you feel are important that I missed. Comments about how shoddy this is will be ignored, I did it at 5:00 AM while waiting for synthetic load tests to finish up. It's a joke, get it? It's dry humor. It lacks all wit, but may still amuse. As for me, can someone pass me the firewood?
And read After Y2K!